Wednesday, October 3, 2007
"Okay I just to get one more thing. I need one of those sex, trashy, Danielle steel romance novels-"
Normal so far....dialogue continues...
"for my mother, she's ninety-five and that's the only thing that keeps her goin'."
I think having a sex drive at ninety-five is a fate worse than death. By that time, you've probably outlived your spouse, or your spouse is so old that the machine probably doesn't work any more and even if it did, foreplay would be spent trying to figure out how to position yourselves so you don't break the other's hip. I guess all you could do is live vicariously though the characters of Danielle Steel and then bust out the vibrator you use for your arthritis.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Friday, September 7, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
Cue: The most gorgeous guy New York City has ever seen walks onto the 23rd St. crosstown bus at 3rd Ave. and sits directly across from our sickly heroine.
Girl tries with all that's left in her to refrain from releasing the fog horn. Finally gorgeous guy gets off the bus at 7th Ave., 4 avenues later which seems like an eternity for our nose dripping dame.
Once gorgeous guy's foot has been released from the final step on the bus girl clutches her bag for her last remaining tissue.
Ease and comfort has finally been bestowed upon our heroine, and she continues to ride the bus to 9th ave.
Monday, July 16, 2007
~Playing my first game of Black Jack! Of course not winning anything but still it was a milestone.
~Seeing the boys of American Storm show me their rear ends from the front row! They were sooo hottt, but sadly no frontals. Not sure if I'd really want to see that anyways. It was a great show but its funny how they grab the ugliest women in the audience to do on stage "demonstrations." Twice, they grabbed this one toothless hick of a woman wearing those light blue shorts that come up just above your beer gut. I wonder what the rationale behind that is.
~Going to the Michael Buble concert!!! I'm in love all over again.
~Went to the hott new night club Pure at Ceasar's Palace and saw Lindsey Lohan. She seemed pretty sober. The Pussycat Dolls performed and they are AMAZING. I might quit my job and train to become one of the dolls. It was incredible the amount of Asian and Indians at this place. Maybe b/c the boys had to wait in a separate line that was twice the size of the girl's line. American boys don't have the patience for things like that I guess.
Overall a fabulous trip. I'd go back once I have a lot more disposable money to spend.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
-Tales from the weirdos at Jersey Shore
That's almost as bad as the guy at Jenkinsens who said my friend's bag looked like a picnic basket and asked if she had any chicken in there.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
- Lives in PA with a decent size yard in a residential neighborhood
- Between her, her husband and her 14 year old daughter someone is always home
- They have a cat who thinks he's a dog (From my knowledge Paris has never seen a cat)
- They have a lot of friends who have dogs so he's have a lot of playmates
- They are big in to softball and want to be their team mascot
- She had a Boston terrier for 15 years and the vet said they took excellent care of it, and did all they could for him
- Lives in a nice residential town in CT with a nice yard
- Looking for a playmate for her English bulldog
- She works night shifts so is home during the day
- Lives alone
- Her and her ex-fiance had two dogs together a bull mastiff and the English bull dog but he kept the bull mastiff
- Goes to Cornell veterinary school
- Lives in Ithica during the school year with I think 5 guy roommates (all vet students), one has a golden retriever and the other has 2 cats
- In the summer he lives with his family in NJ who has a retriever puppy
- Lives on the upper east side in a studio apt.
- Has never had a dog but is anxiously looking for one.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
His name was Paris.
I was volunteering that the Brooklyn Animal Foster Network two Saturdays ago and was paired with this hunk of a dog. After spending the day with him I found he was a big mush and loved to give kisses. The way it works, if the dogs and cats we take from the pound that day don't get fostered or adopted they go back to the pound and ultimately destroyed. All the animals were taken care of that day except Paris. So off we went to my little studio apartment in Chelsea. I had intentions of adopting him, but a dog of this size really is a lot of responsibility. Luckily I found a great home for him.
Week in review:
-He was very well behaved only chewed my iPod headphone, when he puked it up later saw the black little foam thing, looked like an olive.
-He LOVED the dog park. All the dogs loved him, even this little pug tried to hump him. A little French Bull dog had a tug of war match with him. He also was like a mediator, when other dogs were barking at each other he'd go over and check out the action, they would then disperse at his massive presence.
-I've never been so face to face with dog shit in my entire life!
-People LOVED him, kept asking what breed, where I got him
-He loved to sit on my feet while we were waiting for the elevator, and will always pee on garbage bags
-He loved toys that he could rip apart. I gave him my Muppet Animal doll and he ripped the head off, and I got him a stuffed monkey, the tail went first and the head was just a few stitches away.
-He ate sticks like a real dog!
-He snored like a drunk hook-up
-He cuddled like a boyfriend
What a great friend, I'll miss him but I trust everything worked out as planned. An omen was when the man who wanted to adopt him was named Romeo, which was the name of my very first dog.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Monday, April 9, 2007
Friday, April 6, 2007
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
So the other day I was on the subway on my way to work, headphones on, reading the trashy tabloid, etc. and one of those homeless subway beggars gets on our car and starts into his "i'm homeless, give me money/food. anything" speech. So as he walks by I take out a special k bar from my bag, I would rather give them food than money because you know they will actually use the food for something postive. And he looks at me and says "oh i'm sorry i have sugar diabetes i can't have that" and I thought to myself "well I guess beggars can be choosers..."
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Malibu was great hi-lites included:
-Reuniting with my cousin Betsy!
-Watching the newly released PeterPan while eating Chinease food
-Going to the set of LL Cool-jays new pilot (where I met the prouder)
-Visiting the Hollywood history musume and seeing all the Moulin Rouge stuff...and then eating curly fries and a rootbeer float at Mel's Drive-In
-Renting a Mustang Convertible and driving along the Pacific Coast hi-way
-Visiting the lovely Alison Eakle!
Friday, March 23, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
The one about my trainer drinking from my water bottle...
So yesterday at the gym when my hott trainer accidentally took a sip out of my water bottle my head shot into a fantasy about how its kinda like us indirectly kissing...okay very indirectly kissing. I rode with this fantasy until while on the stretching table one of is other clients asked how it was living with his new girlfriend. Suddenly I felt like my head was a balloon that someone just let the air out of and now was flying all over the room.
Banana on the seat...
It's amazing what people will do to make sure that no one sits next to them on the bus. Some put their brief cases, or oversized pocketbooks, today i saw a man put a banana on the seat next to him, yes thats right a banana. "Excuse me sir could you move your banana so i can sit in that seat?"
Pit bull peeing...
There is something cute about a man asking his pit bull if he would like to pee. "You wanna pee Blade, c'mon Bladdey go pee."
Cop on horse...
So what level would you say a cop on a horse is in terms of tourist attraction? B/c i saw the cop on the horse and was like oh thats cool, but then when i walked by the nyc bus tour stop all the tourists went nuts! takin pictures and stuff, so i said to myself, should I not have gotten as excited as i did? In my quest for becoming a metro city girl that might have been a step in the wrong direction.
Clothes need an age limit
So I went shopping for some new fall clothes this weekend and I surprisingly found a lot of good stuff in Wet Seal. For anyone who knows what that store is, it's probably for girls age 13-17. But the prices were good and I found some decent clothes. However, when i got home and reviewed my buys I thought twice about the black leggings with the little cherries on them. I think clothes and fashion should have an age appropriate level, like toys. "Not appropriate for women over 22!" Maybe i'm just destined to one of those middle aged women that still shop in the teenage girl stores.
So I was pretty sure my walk down 8th Ave. was going to be normal today, until I get ready to cross the street to my building when a i'd say 48 year old man decides to fart, it was loud and proud, and i just plastered that NY-i-don't-give-a-shit look on my face.
Dog poo in the middle of the street...
As I was walking down 9th Ave. today crossing 47th street i noticed right in the dead center of the street was a pile of dog poo. This site provoked many questions in my head. For one, what dog has that much time to do his business in the middle of a NYC street and why would his owner allow this? For those of you that know dogs, they usually go to the bathroom in the same spot all the time. The owner is gonna have to stop traffic so the dog can do his thing in the middle of the street! I can just picture some guy holding his hand out to traffic, "Hold on, sorry my dog just has to poo here, it's his favorite spot."
I'm a latte...
So on my way home last night on the corner of 9th and 47th I believe in front of the Starbucks, a black man called out to me "mmmmmmmmmm thats a fine lattee." I thought 1) how funny a little white girl is now called a lattee and 2) i'm now getting themed cat calls. So like now maybe if I walk infront of the fruit and vegetable market the guy stocking the veggies will say, "now thats one hot potato!"
Today I saw a big black man walking down 8th Ave. in spandex biker shorts, an American Flag bandana with big red boxing gloves on. He proclaimed that the doctor was in as he punched his way down the street. I love NY.
I'll admit while I'm waiting for the subway train to come I really hope to see some rats just to entertain myself while the time goes by. I was waiting for the R train to arrive in Brooklyn the other day in hopes of seeing some Brooklyn rats. Then I thought I wonder if the rats in different areas of the city reflect the people that live in those areas. Like are the rats in Chelsea and the Village gay? What about those midtown rats are they broadway divas or the 5th ave fashionistas? I bet the male rats have no personality...they are just rats looking for their next meal and their next hump.